i like solitude

i walk without flinching through the burning cathedral of the summer. my bank of wild grass is majestic and full of music. it is a fire that solitude presses against my lips.
-unknown

i like desserts

ever since i was a little kid, i've always had a gigantic sweet tooth. at age like seven or something, i distinctly remember eating a sandwich composed of just bread and butter and sugar, and while i'm guessing i threw up later, i'm sure at the time it was the greatest moment of my life. i haven't really grown out of that mentality, and it sucks, because everyone else has, and it's no longer "cool" or "healthy" to want to eat a meal consisting of only icing and more icing. actually, candy isn't as enticing as it used to be, so i guess that's a good thing. maybe my tastes have matured a little bit. i doubt it.

this is amazing. look at all the varieties! actually, this happened to me once. i went to work and someone had brought like a hundred cupcakes all decorated differently and i ate them all. not really. maybe.

if i ever opened up a pastry shop, i would make these a staple.

this is a triple whammy: memories of childhood characters, coma-inducing sweetness, AND two desserts in one. A+.


there's not really alot you can say about this, except oh my god let me eat it now. also, perfect for your alternative sexual orientation parties. we all know you have them.

my mind just dissolves into a high fructose corn syrup-y mess when i see this. it is pure perfection. food coloring will change the world. not sure how, but it will.

you should always eat dessert first, because, as they say, "you should always eat dessert first."

lynx:
groovy cupcake
queer jello
cookie cupcake monster
wittle pastwies

edit: found these pictures

this is how i'm going to die.

i like colored animals

i often think about what i were do if i were god. actually, that's a complete lie. i often think about what i would do if i could do things i normally can't do, being a human and not a deity. confused? here's an example. if for some reason i was given crazy powers that allowed me to turn anything into anything else, i would turn some things into different things.

you know what? forget that horrible segue. the point is, i like animals that are wacky colors. like, not normal animal colors. those crazy birds in the amazon with the weird mating colors that apparently the female birds go nuts for (yeah, those ones) are great, but what they're lacking is the element of surprise. everyone expects exotic birds to be exotic, and therefore they lose their appeal.

"oh yeah, it's one of those birds of paradise. old news. just ignore him, sharon. he's just trying to be original."

but sharon, things that people AREN'T expecting include animals that SHOULD be one normal color, but instead are something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND THEREFORE MUCH BETTER!

like this dog.

before the dye job, this was probably just another annoying poodle/lhasa apso thing mix. but now it's purple, and i want it and won't rest until i have it.

these aren't real birds (surprise), but imagine if they were. they'd get all the chicks! (hahahahaha, i am so great)

madonna dyed her sheep (or someone's sheep) for a photoshoot she did or something. it was probably the best thing she's done since she brought back being a respectable woman who accepts her age and isn't freakishly built. oh wait.

this is amazing and i don't even care if it's photoshopped.

the only bad thing about dyed animals (yeah i know, there's a downside. i'm shocked too) is that i'm pretty sure it's not healthy. it can't be. i mean, think about what dye does to the human hair. now imagine that on an animal. it's totally different and worse, kind of. maybe.

just, don't dye your animals, folks. let them dye themselves.

lynx:
madonna's silly sheep
crazy dyed cats (ridiculousness)

i like ren and stimpy

call me childish, but there is no piece art i appreciate more than that of one of my beloved childhood television shows, ren and stimpy. undeniably, the humor takes some getting used to. at times the show is weird, nonsensical, questionable, and more often than not, just kinda gross. but this is what attracts me to the show the most. the creator, John Kricfalusi, has a beautiful mind and it shows. the controversial show was hestitantly aired on nickelodeon in 1988. a major issue with the show was that it was extremely violent. however, this did not stop Kricfalusi from creating a mind-melting eyebrow-squinching fuster cluck.


i guess i should get to what i like about this beautiful mess. one of the main characters is ren hoek, a rat? a cat? a rabbit? NOOOO! he's a chihuahua-probably the most annoying dog of them all. he's a violently psychotic little creature that likes to control things. ren's problem in life is that he eventually finds himself in the same place he was before, if not worse. it seems like trying is pretty useless to him. the resulting anger at the world is funny to me. this probably explains why shitty situations are kinda funny to me in the real world.


the next character of any significance is stimpson j. cat, or stimpy.
stimpy is not just a regular cat, but a cornish rex cat. these cats are known for their extremely short fur. the effect is that the cat just looks like a stupid animal. stimpy: "Ahem. Presenting the Cheese-A-Phone. Now we can communicate with various cheeses, regardless of their foreign tongue. Go ahead, Ren, say something in Limburger." this somewhat "eediotic" quote is what makes me appreciate the beautiful humor of plain stupidity. he's simple, childish, honest, and blissfully unaware.


ren and stimpy is funny in an existential kind of way. i didn't catch on to this when i was a young kid with my eyes glued to the tv, but one of my valued morals was taught to me by this show--just having fun being a kid. i've never wanted to grow up and i think i'm siding with The Who here when they say "i hope i die before i get old." the show is built around beautifully disgusting nonsense that appeals to my inner child.

this song is probably the most influential songs of my life:

Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats. This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy! That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me?!
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!





screw everything. i will never grow up.

I like wigs

Alright, I'll admit it.

I like wigs.

There I said it. Happy now?

Ok, I realize a little explanation may be in order.

This modest fascination with the cranial accessory may have begun at an early age, who knows, but it did not become entirely apparent until more recently, while watching/participating in an off-broadway show. The barrister style wig wearing DJ proceeded to spray the audience with a fire hose, and it was at that moment that I knew I liked wigs. Not necessarily wearing them myself (although I admit I have partaken on occasion) but maybe just the idea of them. It takes a certain something to stand up in front of a paying audience and show a blatant disregard for their personal moisture preferences, and I am inclined to believe that its the wig thats responsible for this.

and here is said barrister wig wearing DJ

Look at this jolly bunch sporting their barrister wigs

But wigs are not just for DJ's and old people. Animals too have benefited from them.

If this guy is happy, I'm happy.

I think its important to mention that I am not in favour of people who are actually bald wearing wigs. I feel that its cheating and should be stopped with extreme prejudice. You can't go around pretending all the time.

Face facts. Man up*. Case in point, this guy:

*Women don't actually go bald so this is not a sexist statement

i like pens

so my mom's friend got back from italy a little bit ago and me and my mother had breakfast with him, and he was showing off his mont blanc wallet he got. i wasn't impressed. honestly, it's a wallet. wallets are only as good as the things you keep inside of them (namely, money) and unless it's gold-plated (see some previous posts) or like, renders the owner invisible at important moments, i generally don't really pay attention to them. however, my mom started saying something (like she does) along the lines of, "blah blah blah mont blanc is nice blah blah blah didn't they make really nice pens? blah blah blah..." and suddenly i started listening. see, i have this thing where i like pens. most people like pens, but the general majority take them for granted. up until recently i was part of that majority, but around the last couple of years ago i have noticed how much writing with a good (read: expensive, pretty) pen makes me happy. my mom works for ibm and so she gets these boxes of fancy corporate pens every once in a while, and i like to steal them and look at them and write with them.

but see, i don't actually know anything about pens, so basically my obsession (no... liking? interested observance? fondness?) for them has been limited to ogling the ones in the cases in places like office depot. but i've been doing some research on the internet, and apparently there are places where you can buy pens online. like, good pens. expensive pens. and boy, are they pretty.

you may think this looks like an average pen, but you're wrong and dumb. this is a beautiful pen. it probably cost more than the laptop you're using right now. (actually, i checked, and unless your laptop is like, scrap metal, it doesn't)

this one has three colors! THREE!

this is actually a mont blanc pen. i think i'm in love.

this pen, at a cost of $730,000, is apparently the most expensive pen in the world. i don't really like fountain pens though, probably because i don't know how to make them write.

oh my god this is a rolex pen. rolex makes pens. forget watches.

so that's probably enough about pens. i feel like i'm slowly alienating myself from the rest of the general public with this post.

oh, turns out he (my mom's friend) used to sell expensive pens. i could ask him, but then that would mean i'd have to admit to listening to him at one point or another. you'd understand if you met him.

lynx:
caran d'arche
tri-color beauty
mont blanc
ugly expensive one
goldilocks

I like encapsulation

There is something intrinsically satisfying about putting one object inside another. Don't think about that too hard, just keep reading.

The concept of encapsulation is universal, transcending cultural boundaries and common sense. Maybe it was because I had some of these as a kid:

The fun never stops... almost.

Anyway, I don't know why I have this pathological drive to contain objects inside each other. Feels good man.
The concept works great for foodstuffs as well. Observe carefully:

Almost there...

Correctomundo!

Too far.

I don't even have to talk about pastries. Send me an anything-filled anything and I promise I will eat it*. If I ever get my hands on one of those jelly injection machines everything in a 10 ft. radius will become twice as edible and 100% more full of jelly.

I'm 19 and still eat at the kids' table every Thanksgiving because all my turkey finds its way into a hollowed out roll one way or another. Either that or because I think it's fun when the cousins start to burn things in the decorative candles.

This MILD obsession is the reason that I think Remember the Titans is a good movie. The film serves as a container for the football game, an event you would normally enjoy independently of cinema. We'll talk more about this later.

No words can describe the greatness below.

*or not.

i like balloons

this is a tentative post, because i'm not sure if i actually like balloons. on one hand, balloons are marvelous little wonders that inspire thoughts of freedom and childlike glee, but on the other hand, they can explode in your face (rude), and they're little jerks to blow up sometimes. also, given to the wrong person, they can emit extremely irritating sounds. never fun.

maybe a good compromise is this statement: i like pictures of balloons. balloons are always pictured in a great way. they're very photogenic. i have never seen a bad picture of a balloon.











however, exceptions to that statement include hot air balloons. hot air balloons are an awkward shape. they're like the weird, kind of gawky kid you know who shows up to a party and then just ruins the atmosphere because he never says the right thing... but somehow everyone else in the world likes him. anyway.

i wish i had a balloon.

i like bananas

No, forget liking bananas. I LOVE bananas. Phallic imagery aside, they are so good in my mouth. Bananas are literally the best fruit. LITERALLY the best. Everyone agrees. Everyone IMPORTANT (take that Nick).

Fun banana facts:

• Bananas contain a BUNCH of potassium. Like, 450 mg of it. That's a lot. Don't believe me? How much potassium do YOU contain, mister?
  
• Bananas usually grow in tropical climates, but they can grow in Iceland, in the soil heated by geysers. That's crazy! (actually, that doesn't sound right. check your facts)
• Bananas once saved a kid's life in Honey, I Shrunk The Kid.
  
• True story: I once made a website in my digital graphics class in high school all about bananas. It was great. It had all kinds of links and smart objects. It was like this post x 4.
  
• The average Australian eats about 15 kg of bananas a year. That's stupid. Who measures weight in kilograms?
• Bananas can cure depression... A little bit. They increase serotonin production (thanks b6 and tryptophan). I believe that, because I ate a banana, and I feel great now. Evidence: I'm capitalizing things.

Lies about bananas:

• Bananas grow on trees. WOAH didn't think that was a lie, huh? Bananas are actually giant herbs. I'm pretty sure that's right. (edit: it is right. my roommate and i looked it up. bananas are tree imposters.)
  

Okay, that's enough about bananas. How about a picture:


This is for those of you that have never eaten anything besides peanut butter and jelly (my brother, circa 1996).

Bananas are the subject of one of my favorite pictures.

FACT: Bananas are the fanciest fruit.

I like bananas and you should too.

things lance likes.

I LIKE GENOCIDE
AND
FIRE
AND
JIFFY POP
AND
WEARING LOTS OF CLOTHES WHEN ITS HOT OUTSIDE
AND
NOT WEARING CLOTHES WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

hahahaha. i stole this from lance. it's his draft. i'm glad he's so articulate. in fact, i like that he's articulate.

edit: forgot this.

disclaimer: i'm like 98.25% positive that lance doesn't actually like genocide.

I like 8-bit

Carly was nice enough to invite some friends to write some guest posts. I like going first so put on your seat belts and prepare to be blown. Mindwise.

Today we're gonna talk about 8 bit.
Some background: A bit is short for Binary Digit. This is a number that can either be a zero or a one. With 1 bit you can represent 2 things. With n bits you can represent 2^n things. They can be anything you want. Computers use bits to represent stuff like voltages, colors, sounds, and memory locations (imagine labels on cubby holes). The more bits you have, the more things you can represent. In general, more bits means more information or higher fidelity.
What's so special about 8?
Back when your parents were cool, computers were expensive and didn't have as much memory (smaller value of n). Engineers had to squeeze information into 2^n pieces for relatively small values of n. Many of the first mass-produced home computers from the 1970s had instruction sizes of eight bits. For example, if you wanted to draw colors on your Atari with 8 bits to store the palette then you would only have 2^8 or 256 colors. 8-bit video games are characterized by low resolutions, restrictive color palettes, pixelated characters, and low-fi audio.

Impress your friends: 8 bits = 1 byte = 1 octet

You know this bad dude likes 8-bit.

Today "8-bit" is colloquial term that refers any type of media meant to look like the product of old school hardware. Hallmarks of the style include big pixels and gameboy-like sounds. One visual component of 8-bit art is called isometric pixel art and it looks like this:

Click for full size.

Mother lode available at Smashing Magazine.

Things really start to get interesting when 8-bit breaks into the 3rd dimension.

Where's Mario when you need him?

Also a fashion statement.

True story: all tattoos used to look like this.

8-bit renditions of contemporary songs are fantastic. I especially like the TI section.

Lynx:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickgray/2434200018/
http://media.photobucket.com/image/nes%20kid/InvisiblexSeas/Mullet-NES.jpg
http://hello.eboy.com/eboy/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/FTN_glbl500cover_11t.png
http://theleetgeeks.com/8-bit-tie-required/#more-252

i like germs

insert swine flu joke here.

babies like pigs. i like babies who like pigs. that pig obviously likes babies who like pigs. everything is great about this picture.

... except for the whole licking a pig thing.

i like gaudy

lately i've noticed that my taste in things has shifted away from the moderately-priced, well made, mature yet fun and fashionable side of the spectrum, and towards the Saudi heiress/Indian princess/rich, elderly divorcée with a hefty bank account and an unfufilling life/five-year-old dress up game.. side. that's kind of an obscure way to illustrate my thoughts, but what i'm trying to say is that pretty much if you dip anything in gold right now i'll buy it. like, anything.

for example:

these are disgusting, but for some reason i love them and want twenty pairs. i don't even care if j.lo would buy them too. she would. ugh, jennifer lopez. ugh.


and this. how gorgeous and absolutely ridiculous is this. you could never wear this anywhere and it's probably extremely expensive, but loooook how shiiiiny and beautiful it is. if i had this i would put a bunch of single dollar bills in it and use it as a centerpiece on my dining table. materialism, what?


you can only take pictures of beautiful people with this camera.


this isn't gold, per se, but it's still amazing. i actually had a dream about this necklace. no joke.



no longer are we living in the barbaric days of plastic and ugly metals. technology can be beautiful, if you are willing to sell your firstborn child for it.

now i feel dirty and materialistic. oh well.

lynx:
gold backback (ha)
pentax
stick of gold (there's also a gold mattress on that site, but that's just dumb)