i like shaped food

i have some problems with food:

1) it likes to lurk in womens' problem areas
2) it doesn't make itself
and
3) it's boring

number three particularly bugs me. how many times have you sat down to eat something, and then realized what you want is actually something completely different and/or more interesting-looking? no matter how hard you try, your tuna fish sandwich is never going to turn into a rabbit or an umbrella, and when you realize this, it's bad news bears. the finite state of food matter is a BIG problem, because i like to be intellectually, physically, and imaginatively stimulated at all times. luckily, there's a solution to the imagination part: shaped foods.

foods shaped like other things are great! just ask your mom.

this is your pretty basic food shape. everyone starts out with the heart because it's easy and because you automatically look like a sensitive soul, despite the fact that you made it with greasy hash browns in a waffle house on valentine's day. how sweet.

dinosaurs?! who DOESN'T like dinosaurs?! no one. no one dislikes dinosaurs, and that is why they are the next level up on food shape difficulty. everyone loves them, and if you have a sandwich, a knife, and know what a dinosaur looks like, you automatically have either five new friends or children that are willing to forgive you for being a bad mother. my mother never made me these.

see, this is the big leagues. if food was a video game, the person who made these would have scored nine extra lives, saved the princess, and shot the duck. also, these are great for vegetarians who can't eat pork, but have the craving to slaughter something with cloven hooves. (side note, does anyone know what a mung bean is?)

this is for you ethnic/cultured folks out there. y'all got a spot in this niche. don't y'all worry about a thang, chubblies.

but see, some people just don't know when to stop on the whole food-shaping business. things gets weird, people get awkward and uncomfortable, and eventually the police show up and you now have three kegs and a casserole to yourself.

take for example this picture:
this is a weird-ass picture. but i love it.

or this guy: yeah, that's bread. yeah, what the hell. talk about an overachiever. on the bright side, no one would ever say they didn't suspect it if he turns out to be a serial killer.

in conclusion, i still need intellectual stimulation. and i'm hungry.

lynx:
heart of hash (browns)
dino-wich (looking at it, this has to absolutely be my new favorite website. i could write an entire post about them.)
pigglies
bento babe
weird-ass picture

cereal killer