i like things

i like tarzan

2011-11-08T22:49:00.006-06:00

so, in order to commemorate my return back to internet civilization, i'm writing a post about a person who was so far from civilization that he lived in the jungle with beasties and didn't shower and carried a panther around on his shoulders. isn't irony great?

all joking aside, i love tarzan. DON'T LAUGH THIS IS SERIOUS.

since the age of hhmmphshmph, i've been kind of weirdly, morbidly fascinated with the outdoors and like, being forced to live there and fend for yourself against the elements. you'd never guess it by my ghostly pale skin tone, but i've always considered myself a tad resourceful, and i would like to think i could possibly survive for like, maybe a couple of days if, say, my plane crashed in alaska and i was forced to make a hatchet and then befriend a pack of wolves and hunt caribou.

visual references/my childhood dream scenarios

but let's face it, we're all grown-ups, and unless i was being filmed for a reality tv show and was able to sleep in a hotel bed every night, i would die on the first night of survival. probably from typhoid or dysentery, one of those diseases that always fucked up your wagon party in oregon trail.

so, in this day and age, who can save us from our digital cages and return us to the great jungle of life? TARZAN. TARZAN CAN. HE CAAAAAAN.

tarzan is the ultimate male for every animal-loving, sun-shunning introverted adolescent girl that grew up. he's raw, he's potent, he's sensitive, he's attuned to nature.. he just gets it, man. he's the kind of guy who will show you how to break the neck of jungle bunnies in order to minimize their pain, but then when you're standing there in shock with rabbit blood on your hands all fatal attraction-like, he'll sweep away the canopy curtains to reveal a pristine waterfall and you'll forget all about how you've had way too many bananas lately and a weird chimpanzee keeps following you around and where are we and how exactly did i get here?

yeah.

needless to say, tarzan is one complicated dude. he's got a whole lot of history and lots of movies have been written about him but it's late and this is starting to sound a little crazy, so maybe we should just watch a little video instead. phil collins wrote the soundtrack to the disney tarzan movie, and you know if PHIL COLLINS writes a soundtrack, it means that phil collins has written a soundtrack (also, it's pritty pritty good).

so, to summarize: no shirt + no shoes + no social skills + no civilization = super.

I Like This Useless Little Button

2011-06-07T01:24:00.006-05:00

Hello again! Gather around friends, for I have a story to tell...

...Once upon a time there was a little boy, or perhaps in this story he was a somewhat older. Maybe he was around his early twenty's, handsome, broad shoulders, well defined jawline. Well, sorry to disappoint ladies. This story is not about that young man. It's actually about me, and here's how it goes:

Once upon a time, I began volunteering at a hospital. At first this hospital seemed just like any other hospital. It had doctors in white coats, and nurses in scrubs with large pockets to hold all their important stuff. The hospital, like all well run hospitals, was always well stocked with patients. On Friday this particular hospital would give out ice-creams to its employees. Everything seemed perfectly normal. There was nothing strange at all about the hospital with its doctors in white coats and nurses with large pockets.
Then one day, I happened upon an anomalously object in this perfect world. It was a discovery so remarkable that to this day I have yet to come to terms with its magnitude. (Its magnitude to be exact was about 3 inches by 5 inches). I managed to capture it on camera for the first time. I will share this first encounter with you now.
Yes! While it may look like a door, with a sign, and a nice placard announcing which floor you are on adjacent to the door, allow me to guide your eyes to the subject of this post:

This is it! An innocuous little button that cries out to the world, "Please kindly sir or madam, please push my button, that nicely illuminated for you." I anthropomorphize so because this little button responds to the brief pressure placed on it with an almost human expression of satisfaction.

"And what does my little button friend do," I asked, "aside from this modest expression of red to green."

"And what does this little button do," I hear your brain quietly echo.

Absolutely nothing! (Trust me I checked), and that's exactly why I like this useless button

i like badasses

2011-03-30T17:34:00.010-05:00

okay guys, back in the saddle. i apologize for my absence (i know you missed me, internet. i missed you too), and would like to blame college, killer of dreams/builder of lives/madhouse/henhouse/funhouse/hauntedhouse/outhouse/ (WOAH, sorry about that), but today's post is not going to be very long, mostly because it speaks for itself and in fact, would rather you just SHUT THE FUCK UP. and also, i have a government test tomorrow and should have read about 50 pages by about five minutes ago. ha, whoops.

sorry little gremlies, i didn't mean to drop the f-word this early in the evening, but i think it fits, because i'm talking about BADASSES, y'all. i like 'em. everybody likes 'em. they're neat, they're mean, they're green, and they make everybody have a little tingle of jealousy inside their heart of hearts (slash pants). and that's healthy, jealousy.. right?

the badass is nothing new to society. badasses have been around for as long as i can remember and then probably a little bit longer, and they come in all shapes and forms. i'm here to elucidate some of the more common badasses seen in society, and perhaps introduce you to the more unknown, hidden treasure trove badasses. come away with me.

this is your standard badass. revered by ladies and worshipped by fellas. he's shirtless and slightly scrawny, yes, but what he lacks in brute muscle, he makes up for in sheer at-ti-tude. look at that scarf! he's a-okay with his sexuality, and asks you, DARES YOU to question it. the ladies in the back did, and look how they ended up. SHIRTLESS and HAPPY (i guess the dudes did too? ... awkward).

see, this is where we start getting into new territory. everybody knows bill cosby as the kind-hearted, sweater wearing, pudding eating guy, but did you know that he's actually a stone cold killer? well, not really a killer (hopefully), but check out that cigar. that ain't your granddaddy's cigar (unless it is, cosby kin). and look at that look. that is the look of a man with a plan. he knows where's going in life. or went, maybe. is. he knows where he is. i like this because it's different. it's suprising. we all know bill cosby the lovable man, but were we ever aware of how genuinely cool this cat can be? we are now.

this picture is just following the train all the way to the (sesame street) station. as a child, never did i ever consider the possibility that big bird was not my friend, but in fact a winged freak in possession of a serious problem with library etiquette. (p.s. saigon market? we are we?)

i think i like this guy top-three-ish, because he's badass for all the wrong/right reasons. what makes him badass is not the studded jacket or the scuffed boots or the skyscraper hairstyle, but the look of sheer laughter/appreciation/enjoyment at the little boy's curiosity. he seems sweet, and that's one of the most badass things of all: a good heart.

enough with the sentiment. WOLVES, Y'ALL. wolves are 1) the most badass of all animals and 2) i want to be one. maybe. probably not. but the fact remains that whether they're eatin' little peters (like, peter and the wolf. don't be gross), living with little julies, or swallowing little red riding hoods, wolves are on top. unless you're sarah palin.

i wanted to include this picture to show that the term badass is not solely limited to those blessed with the y chromosome.. heh. rather, female badasses come from some of the most interesting places, showing us a face full of makeup and a beautiful traditional garment does not a pushover make. also, she's flipping us the bird. that's just classic.

so, i guess what i'm saying is, if you ever want to become the ultimate badass, or maybe just pretend to be one for a day, be bill cosby, or a wolf, or a geisha. i'll like you.

i like my dog

2010-05-17T11:43:00.007-05:00

okay guys, disclaimer time: this post is entirely about how amazing my dog is. i know it's going to come off as a psycho, dog-pictures-in-my-wallet-look-here's-her-yesterday-and-this-is-her-with-santa kinda post, so i completely understand if you just want to skip to the end or maybe not even read this at all. but you should. because i'll like you more if you do (and then we can TALK ABOUT HER TOGETHERRRRR!).

SO, i just got a dog on monday. last monday. she's a little pound puppy, and she's SO SO SO SO SWEET/cute. her name is peca. originally, i was going to go with pica, but about 50% of the people would look at me with disgust/confusion when i explained to them what pica the medical disorder was.

this is pica.

so, in order not to saddle her up with a stigma for the rest of her doggy days, i switched it to peca, which means "freckle" in spanish (p.s., thanks middle school friend stephanie whose dog was named that and from whom maybe i borrowed it).

but see, i'm finding out more and more that "peca" also means "oh my god why are you so adorable you're putting me into a diabetic coma come sit in my lap right now." reasons?:

1) she's a cattle dog/whippet mix. that means she's super fast and super smart, kind of like flash gordon (or speed gordon, for all y'all down under). the dwight from the office inside of me finds those two reasons to be important, just in case.. i don't know, we needed the dog version of a super fast yale graduate for some reason.

relevant? not really. incredible? of course.

2) she's really sweet. honestly, she's the sweetest dog around. when i first walked into her little kennel thing, she basically just immediately rolled over and looked up at me with these eyes that said "love me plzzz." even after i took her home, she didn't pull a jekyll/hyde thing and turn into a monster, which would have been cool, but not really what i was looking for. she has this way of just plopping down next to you and putting her head in your lap and slowly closing her eyes as you scratch her ears. etc., etc., etc.

3) um... she's really cute, too? did i mention that?

seeee? uhhhdorable.

4) okay, i'm kind of having a hard time coming up with more reasons, but COME ON i've had her for about a week. give it time, y'all. i mean, christmas isn't even here yet. i'm sure i'll come up with fifteen different reasons then, all involving the probably cute way she opened up her first presents, or tore down the christmas tree.. or maybe in easter, when she ripped the ears off of the bunny costume i'm going to get her..

in closing, my dog > your dog, and i love her.

I LOVE YOU PECAAAAAA.

I like Hummus.

2010-05-09T16:20:00.010-05:00

Before I go deeper into this magical dish that I like, I would like to admit to the world that I used to hate hummus.

I know.

I thought the consistency was weird, sometimes there would be chunks…it just didn't do it for me.

And then one night, a friend made hummus and brought it to a dinner.

While everyone was cooking and being productive, I sat at the bar and productively ate half of the hummus myself. An obsession had begun.

After that, I went through 1 container a week for about a month and a half. The pita bread I had was shitastic, but I didn't even give a damn. BECAUSE THE HUMMUS WAS AMAZING. With every bite, it was like experiencing my first hummus revelation. It is still like that, praise bb jesus.

"I fucking love this shit." - Jesus

Let's talk about types. For me, there is only one, and it is called Roasted Garlic. The brand is not too big of a deal to me, as long as there is roasted garlic all up in it.

There are two brands that I switch between: Sabras & Athenos.

In terms of their personality, Sabras is a creamy, nice and simple hummus. He's like the nice friend you have, who's just so nice all the time. Reliable and what not. However, sometimes he just gets…boring, and you want to hang out with that ridiculous friend of yours that you haven't seen in a while.

This is where Athenos, the unpredictable comes in. First of all, he's a completely different color. A yellowish green. Also, he has these little pieces of something fabulous hanging out around in him. I don't know what they are, but they intrigue me and I love it. The flavor is very different from Sabros, and it's exciting. When you eat Athenos, it's like riding a fucking brilliant rollercoaster with a blindfold on. Fantastic little surprises of taste variation.

Cool story, bros: Morgan Elizabeth Cotter once ate half of my container in the middle of the week, and I cursed the hummus gods for letting such a terrible thing happen to me. Rationing is essential for such liquid/solid gold.

How I felt, but more sad.

That's all I really have to say about hummus. I think I am going to buy some right now. My mom just gave me a huge bag of pita chips, and I need something to smother them in.

i like HOUSES (part II)

2009-12-19T12:43:00.011-06:00

guys, i don't even CARE what you think anymore. i don't even care what ANYONE THINKS anymore. THE ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT ARE HOUSES. AHHHHHHHHHHHere are some more.

oh my god you guys my friend is going to italy, and when he told me that the first thing i thought of was how much i loved the hotel we stayed in when we went there, and how much this picture reminds me of it. it was completely luxurious and is probably definitely one of the main reasons i will/want to go back to rome. look at those curtains. THOSE ARE FESTOON CURTAINS.

so another deal i have is this thing with water environments. it could be because i'm a cancer, but i don't even care what it's due to, just so long as i have water around me somehow. if i had this room, or visited it, or just was in the general vicinity of it, i would literally cry tears of joy and then get naked and pretend to be a mermaid.

on the opposite side of the scenery spectrum we have this little woodsy-lookin' place. i like it. honestly, i probably couldn't spend a lot of time in it without getting a little bit claustrophobic, but for those days where you just want to curl up in a ball and hibernate, this setting seems perfect.

this is just plain ridiculous and for that reason absolutely perfect. one of the comments below the link suggested it would be even more beautifully superfluous as a bathtub, and i agree.

one of the things i've recently come across (but seems not to be an incredibly new event) is the idea of a conversation pit. i think if done correctly, it could be like the terrestrial version of a hot tub mixed with a kiddie playpen, but without the threat of soiled pants and wrinkled fingers (sshh, that makes sense).

okay, this is walking the line between "creatively/spiritually scattered" and "straight-up voodoo", but i think if you don't look at it too hard, it's a kind of simplistically majestic. i'd halfway expect fairies to pop out around the witching hour, or whatever. whatever.

this is amazing. my grandparents had an earth-shelter house, and i could never get over the fact that it was possible to run up on their roof. this is like that times a million beautiful things.

i don't even know what to say about this picture, except that i am now rearranging my room to resemble it exactly. and that it makes my insides smile. and that
it will be mine. somehow.

okay, that's enough for now. time to go explore MORE HOUSES MORE HOUSES MORE HOUSES.

i like kids with animals

2009-09-03T10:48:00.011-05:00

so, i'm subscribed to this indie radio station's podcast, and all the way from seattle they ship to me in the mail a file that dissolves in my mailbox and is directly uploaded onto my itunes (that's how a podcast works, right?). the files are indie songs that haven't hit the main airways yet, and probably never will, and they send me some good ones usually. their podcast where i first heard of passion pit and the band citay (sit-ay? sigh-tay?), both prime examples of the silly names little indie boys like to name their groups (other examples: starfucker? how absurd! natalie portman's shaved head? what a mouthful!). anyway, there's this band called dan le sac vs. scroobius pip, and they have this song called "thou shalt always kill". it's a pretty funny song, the kind said silly little indie boys like to quote to each other while combing their mustaches in front of their cleverly-stenciled mirrors, and one of the lyrics in the song is "thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 who plays with a child that is not their own is a pedophile. some people are just nice."

god, ANYWAY, the point of that ridiculous segue is that i identify with that statement. not because i am a male over the age of 35, but because i too like to play with children that are not my own. actually, not so much play with them.. more like just look at them. but see the thing is, i'm not a pedophile! i just think kids are really adorable, and i kind of want one. like, to own. even more adorable that genetically beautiful children are genetically beautiful children with animals! and here are some pictures to prove my point (real creepsters, go away):

okay, so, this probably isn't the best example to start off on, but i think it still counts, because someone probably thought this was adorable in like, the ancient tang dynasty.

this is better. i predict that that boy trips in about two seconds and cries little adorable tears, which the basset hound licks off his face.

this is so cute, and i don't even like chimpanzees. but you know what, if they're happy, who are we to tell them they can't be together?

whoever invented baby elephants, thank you. they make every situation/picture an exquisitely sweet moment in time that nobody can resist. if i saw a hobo with a baby elephant begging for money, i would give him everything i had, and then probably take the baby elephant, because i'm pretty sure that can't be too healthy a lifestyle for it.

was a three-headed dog in the harry potter books? actually, who cares.

that's me. no really, that's me. me and my penguin friend, pengy.

it's also funny when animals freak kids out. case in point:

however, the other way around is not funny, and just mean:

see? what a rude little child.

in conclusion, i am not a pedophile. come on, scroobius. let's go.

i like filters

2009-07-28T14:28:00.007-05:00

camera filters: what are they? where did they come from? who do they benefit? who did they vote for? where can i find one?

all these questions and more are going to be answered in today's highly technical blog post, brought to you by the left side of my brain.

first, let's get straight to the heart of the matter:
1) q. what are they?
a. filters are photographic accessories that, when used properly, can allow the photographer to alter or fine-tune the picture being taken. made out of either transparent glass or plastic, they come in handy whenever environmental conditions are not entirely desirable, or just not what you're looking for (i.e., not cool enough). filters either are screwed on the front of the lens (called the lens thread), or utilized via a lens mount, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like (for the hearing impaired: a little holder thing into which the filter slides). they do a bunch of different things, including but not limited to:
-polarizing
-illusionizing
-color correctizing
-uv reduzing
-automatically making you look professional-zing

2)q. where did they come from?
a. uh, i think britain. the earliest record of existence i could find was an article describing how this one british guy was like, "it's all about primary colors, y'all."

3.)q. who do they benefit?
a. anyone. anyone in the world, ever. have you ever looked at a neat photograph and thought, "that looks neat"? someone was probably using a filter for it. you're welcome.

4.) q. who did they vote for?
a. sources say they voted for ross perot, but i heard a rumor they wrote in jay z. believe what you want.

5.) where can i find one?
a. i don't know. your camera store? online? i'm not your mother.

...yeah, that wasn't very technical.

more or less.

I like Barbershop Quartets

2009-07-27T19:15:00.005-05:00

I have to get something off my chest. I really don't like musicals. The songs get awkward, especially when they're not well known show tunes. Regardless, I usually end up seeing several every year.

Last Sunday I caught Zilker Theatre Productions' performance of The Music Man. Compared to last year's rendition of Beauty and the Beast, the show was abysmal. None of the actors were really at fault. The plot moved slower than a slowpoke walking through a molasses factory in a very slow way.

Fortunately, there was a creamy center of redemption in this cyanide-laced twinkie. In fact, this high fructose nugget was partitioned into little chocolate and vanilla sections.
The Chocolate: Unintentionally funny references to author Honoré de Balzac. I don't think I need to spell that out for you.
The Vanilla: Prominent use of a barbershop quartet.

Barbershop quartets are remarkable for a few reasons.
Men are generally oafish and unappealing. Look in any men's magazine. It's full of women. Look in a women's magazine. Also full of women!
That's why it's so surprising when you get an acoustically pleasing product out of four otherwise uninteresting individuals.

Clip from a film version:

I don't think I'm the only one who enjoys this. Youtube commenters eat this stuff up:

maverick6589 (3 weeks ago)
the chord at 3:01 literally made me jizz in my pants

And finally, a funny one:

i like HOUSES

2009-07-20T12:15:00.026-05:00

alright guys, it's time. i've been saving this post up for a while, but now it's too much to handle and i'm going to unleash it into the world.

i really, really like houses. i don't really know what else to say, but it's not because i can't think of anything, but rather, i could say so much that i don't know where to start. houses, to me, are like the mecca of comfort. depending on the furnishings, a house is capable of going beyond its four(+) walls and becoming a place of unlimited possibilities, but my house has always been a place for me to recharge. a retreat, of sorts. for that reason, i love cozy little cottages and snug dens; basically, any place with warm lighting and a close-knit feel. i've taken to finding pictures off the internet of the houses/rooms i like, and here are some (read: a lot).

i love how this is done. often, a somewhat futuristic style like this ends up coming off as cold and medical, with lots of metals and whites, but this is a beautiful example of how modern/unconventional choices can still be comfortable.

the grandma in me loves this old-fashioned look. the books and the pillows are perfectly paired with the old pictures on the walls, but i also admire the metal-looking lamp, which keeps this style in the twenty-first century.

again, the warm lighting and rounded lines wins. actually, i'm not exactly sure if i like this whole room. the style seems a little bit confused as which direction it wants to go (the island-ish prints on the couch? the spiky plant? the egg light?) but i think it more or less works.

so this isn't a room, per se, but i'm more taken with the feeling behind the picture. i love the way the colder colors are warmed up by the natural light. very simplistic and rustic, in a way.

so, in contrast to the closed-in, cozy look, i also love huge, open areas. when the two are combined, it's beautiful.

so, maybe i still have an inner child, and maybe it's always been in love with canopies like this. this looks like a treehouse, too. and a round bed? perfection!

i absolutely adore the openness in this, and the closeness with nature. and it looks so easy to construct! why don't i have one?

there's not really a style i'm looking at here, but the spirit. the spirit of, "can this be every day?!" in other words, houses should be fun.

gorgeous lighting, here, and excellent color choices. actually, i'm not sure if the yellow is because of the lighting, but either way, it's well-done. the umbrella light fixture is a cute touch too.

again with the canopy. like the cleanness of this as well.

if i had a crazy aunt, i'd imagine she'd live in an apartment like this, and we'd be best friends.

i love everything about this picture/room. it's beautiful, natural, and eclectic, and i would like to live there right now, please.

this seems like a modern-day rapunzel tower to me. it's sparse, but in a way that suggests a desire for simplicity, instead of a lack of resources. oh hey look, a canopy too.

interesting angles, and a very unique wall decoration. i'd imagine martha stewart would own something like this. or alice in wonderland. not sure why.if this house were mine, it would be the end of my social life. i'd sit here forever looking dreamy, refusing to leave my spot on the comfortable couch, and waste my life away. but it would be great.

this is the ultimate in coziness. bent ceilings make everything better.

okay, i'm kind of tired of posting pictures, but you get the gist of it. blah blah blah, my life goal is to own a gorgeous house. the end.

i like OJ

2009-07-09T21:11:00.002-05:00

this isn't a joke. this isn't child's play. this isn't something you can forget about. this is SERIOUS. this is FOR REAL. this is the kinda shit you read about in the paper. we're talking headlines. we're talking MAJOR headlines. and you know what the best part is? it's NOT GOING AWAY. do you think i can do this every day and stay sane? do you think i don't know what this is like? i have to LIVE this. EVERY DAY. and sometimes it scares me. it scares me, because i don't know what's next. sure, i can do this today. but what about tomorrow? what about the next day? what next? no, don't look at me. don't smile. don't act like you care. you DON'T care. ORANGE JUICE is SERIOUS business, and you can't handle it. YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT. so just go back home, go back to your STRAWBERRY BANANA juice and just forget what you've seen here. BECAUSE THIS IS RAW.

seriously, we're talking like 4+ cups a day.

i like paint

2009-07-05T16:53:00.003-05:00

i want a room of every color.

I like Iranian Protesters

2009-07-03T10:33:00.015-05:00

And by protesters I mean the women. The real reason that Ayatollah Khamenei and the Lyrical Clerical Brohans keep such tight political and social control over the populace is not to preserve islamic ideals, but to hide a formidable cache of weapons-grade babetonium.

Only boy band-turned-theocracy in the Middle East

How attractive are these people? Let's ask current president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

"Daaamn, girl."

"In Iran, we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. We don’t have that in our country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you that we have it."

---Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad speaking at Columbia University

That should be enough proof for anyone, but I've included some visual aids below.

Simmering political anger has boiled over the crockpot of oppression, giving the West a rare glimpse into the zesty rice-based stew that is Iran. Check it out.

I like my women how I like my congressional districts: politically active.

"Wanna go see a movie later? Throw rocks at shit? Sounds good. Pick you up at 8".

Westsiiiiiide!

Suitors beware. Approach one of these pretty Persians and receive a dildo beating from the state police.

No gays here.

i like eggs

2009-07-02T18:58:00.009-05:00

I LOVE EGGS! i would scream this from the rooftop (of a chicken coop, on a chicken farm, wearing a chicken suit), and then after i did that i would go inside and eat some eggs..... actually, forget about the syntax and flow of that sentence. let's just talk about eggs, okay?

eggs are a touchy topic. everywhere you look, someone is railing against eggs and spouting all their bad qualities, but i say enough is enough. eggs are here to stay, and you'd better get on the egg train before it leaves the station. mister.

people don't like eggs because they're high in cholesterol and are willing to banish them from the refrigerator for this fact before actually doing their research. eggs are high in cholesterol, yes, but it's saturated fats that make your blood goopy, not dietary cholesterol itself. it's complicated, i know. if you don't believe me, read a book.

people also don't like eggs because they're actually tiny chickens. i can see the logic in that. it's kind of weird, if you think about it really hard, but personally i'm not a fan of thinking really hard. i just like eggs. that's all. (disclaimer: we buy free-range hen eggs, so i'm really a good person, i promise)

reasons you should eat eggs:
1) they're vitanutritious. that means they're full of vitamins and are therefore nutritious. these vitamins include ones like choline (integral to the development of unborn kids' memories. ironically, eating fetuses is good for fetuses.), vitamin d, and vitamin k. eggs also contain all essential amino acids, but anyone with a brain could tell you that's because you're basically eating dna.
2) eggs contain carotenoids, which help lower the risk of developing cataracts. unborn cheepers are good for your peepers! haaaahahahah i should be on stage.
3) eggs are good for your hair and nails. they just are.

my favorite way of eating eggs is over medium. i like having the egg whites slightly goldened, with the yolk solid around the edge but yolky in the middle. or, if the yolk breaks (which it does, always), then i don't fry it for as long.

um, anyway.

these are beautiful eggs.

this is a beautiful breakfast (minus the potatoes)

this is a beautiful fantasy

lynx
egg fax
beautiful eggs
breakfast of champions

behind the scenes: i said "egg" twenty-one times.

I like boats

2009-07-02T17:39:00.009-05:00

I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget.

--A. Samberg, 2009

Generally speaking, people shouldn't go in the water. Our stupid skinny limbs make for poor propulsive instruments in anything thicker than air. Plus our air-sucking mouth holes don't work very well below sea level. I know what you're thinking.

Water is a refreshing way to cool off in these hot summer months. That neighborhood pond is looking awful attractive right now. Wouldn't it be nice to take a short dip?

Don't go in there. You're just gonna flop around like an injured seal. You'll get all pond scummy and I'm gonna have to drag you out. Don't put everyone through that.

Turns out that you're not the only one who's jonesin' for the ocean. Humans have been trying to quench the collective urge to submerge for millenia. Frustrated with the aforementioned physical limitations of the human body, one Sumerian man decided to tell God to S his D (literally!). After yelling a string of obscenities at the sky, James P. Boat swore an oath to invent the boat. The rest is history.

Mr. Boat, Circa 10,000 BCE

Boats are the brilliant solution to the cosmic tragedy of humans and water. We want what we can't have. An analogy is in order. You can force your way into Salma Hayek's home (ocean) but you'll be severely beaten by a crack team of Mexican assassins (drown). In this example a boat would be like a chef's outfit. It will let you get way closer than you normally would and maybe even smell her hair.

Ms. Hayek christening a boat. I know, relevant.

More than a symbolic gesture of spite toward a vengeful creator, boats are more fun than a barrel of very fun things. I don't own a boat, but my uncle married into a family that does.

Side note: ladies, start your engines. Boat engines, that is.

The feeling of exhilaration you get on the front of a boat is hard to describe. The calm water whips by beneath you and cool wind shears overhead. You can't get the same effect on land. Not to mention boats come with a whole variety of fun activities. From skiing to waterboarding, they've got you covered.

Kayaks and canoes count too. Paddling to the middle of a calm lake is a serene experience unlike any other.

Only caveat: Don't be this guy.

Click to play.

i like underwater

2009-07-01T11:10:00.011-05:00

pictures.

i also like being underwater, probably more than i like being abovewater, or outsidewater, or halfinwater, or nowherenearwater.

i WILL be a mermaid when i grow up.

i like medical dictionaries

2009-06-27T13:25:00.011-05:00

i used to think i was a pretty normal kid, but now looking back at my childhood, i'm realizing there were a couple of warning signs that should have told me that i probably thought a little differently than the other children. for instance, the first cd i ever owned was "now in a minute" by donna lewis. seriously? i think just me (age six) and just two strung-out preteen girls drained from crying over "sixteen candles" were the only people who bought that cd. but then again, my brother's first cd was ricky martin, so i mean you tell me who was the weird one. i was also in gt (gifted and talented), which is like the elementary school equivalent of mensa, except with none of the perks and all of the societal scorn. we got to play fun games like "piece the fake pterodactyl skeleton back together" and "do a stupid project over rosie the riveter," but we were allowed to skip science class for gt, so that was pretty cool, if a little bit illogical.

hooowweeever, since there were other kids in it too, i never really felt like an outsider, but i'm pretty sure i can say i was the only one in my class who religiously read medical dictionaries. okay, maybe not religiously, because that's just dumb, but i loooved them. still do. there was something so exciting and thrilling hidden behind the lines of minute text describing the procedure for curing a bone cyst (you have to scrape the cyst and fill the cavity with bone chips!) and the old black and white pictures of goiters and impetigo (fluid-filled blisters that burst and form pale-brown crusts). delightful!

(goiter)

(impetigo)

i loved pulling down my dad's old copy of the american medical association: encyclopedia of medicine and just thumbing through the pages, savoring words like "lymphogranuloma venereum" and "hydatidiform mole" and the way they felt in my mouth (the words, not the moles). so, when i got some money (thanks grandma), i bought my first medical dictionary at age like eleven or something. i read it all the time, and used the knowledge i gained from it to make a hilarious birthday card for my friend (outside: "happy birthday!", inside: "aren't you glad you don't have vitiligo?!"). comedy gold.

(vitiligo. not even joking. it's science. p.s. rip)

but really, it might just be that i have a sick obsession with like, weird stuff. i'm not sure. all i know is that my love for medical dictionaries has translated over to a particular fondness for medical dramas (but not grey's anatomy. the only thing medically wrong with anybody on that show is an unfortunate inability to portray actual human beings), and a desire to like, clean everyone's wounds. and i don't mean that in the normal, compassionate metaphor way. totally mean it in the weird way.

but i guess on the plus side of all this, if anyone i know ever contracts erysipelas, i'll know what to do.

i like south africa and so can you!

2009-06-22T21:35:00.021-05:00

Sponsorship for this post has not yet been provided for by the South African tourism board. It comes free of charge, pro bono, gratis... besides it's no great secret that I'm a fan of my homeland.

This list should convince you to like it too, if you didn't already, and tell you what you can do about it!

So here goes.

1. Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela

As he celebrates his 90th birthday next month, we mark our fifteenth year since the end of the disgusting apartheid era, nobody liked it, especially Nelson. He spent 28 years cooped up on an island prison brooding over it and yet he maintained a nonviolent stance toward effecting change in his country. (Incidentally, Gandhi developed his nonviolent protest while living in south africa)

Side Note: I was friends with his God Son at school and he visited a hospital my dad was working at to rename it. Morgan Freeman is playing him in a movie coming out later this year.

Your Turn: Buy a poster, read "Long Walk to Freedom," or celebrate his birthday with some friends on the 18th of July.

2. The uKhlathlamba Drakensberg Mountains

The drakensberg is one of the most beautiful places on earth with lush valleys and gorges leading up to majestic basalt escarpments that surround the tiny country of Lesotho. It's name translates from Zulu and Afrikaans to mean "Barrier of Spears" and "Dragon mountain," so it's not surprising that it inspired the setting of Lord of the Rings. It is considered the biggest art gallery in the world comprised of 35,000 individual bushman paintings dating at least 40,000 years ago. The Tugela Falls, located in the top right corner of the above picture, is the second highest in the world.

Side Note: After becoming the first man to climb mount everest, Sir Edmund Hilary regularly frequented the area on holiday with the Mrs, because, he is reported to have said, "it offers great hiking and a chance to regain feeling in your toes after a nasty case of Himalayan frostbite." Also home to baboons (more later).

Your Turn: Come for the vistas, stay for the... well also the vistas.

Get creative! Start a "hike of the month club." It's just like a book club, only you get together and discuss the hike that none of you really had enough time to do.

3. Baboons

This may seem a strange selection, considering the wealth of great African animals (lions, tigers, elephants, zebras, etc), but baboons provide a remarkably apt social analog. One can refer to them as a metaphor for almost any situation. Here's a purely hypothetical example, with completely fictional characters to illustrate this point:

Ian meets Calculus Girl. Ian likes Calculus girl. Ian thinks Calculus girl's attractive, but she shows alarming potential to be annoying, using phrases like "fudge monkey's" and "uh oh spaghetti o's." The warning bells go off in Ian's head, but he decides to find out the true nature of Calculus girls personality. Alas, poor Ian forgot to heed the wise allegory of the baboon and fell into the great trap of the cute but incredibly annoying girl.

So if you feed a wild baboon, it loses its fear of people and starts rifling through rubbish bins and becomes a pest. And then you have to shoot it!

Moral of the story: young Ian shouldn't have fed the baboon.

Side note: This sort of aesop's fable type logic can be adapted to fit anything!

Your Turn: Try to incorporate more stories of baboons into daily conversation.

4. Shopping in Traffic

Traffic jams, congestion, no problem! Here in south africa you can now satisfy all your shopping needs from the convenience of your own car. Need a sack of potatoes, or fruit or flags for supper, well you needn't look far as there is probably a friendly vendor haggling outside your window. The rest of the world could learn a thing or two from this. Why go to the drive through, when the drive through can come to you! A typical sales pitch might sound something like this: "Cheap, Cheap! Cheaper than Cheap!"

Side note: At the 2003 national street vendors workshop some topics of discussion were: "Apples and Oranges: the congressional distribution of," and "Boxers or Briefs: an ethical dilemma."

Your Turn: A double major in business and african relations is tailor made for street hawking, though a little over qualified.

So you like?

i like contrast

2009-06-22T16:53:00.010-05:00

martin luther king jr. once said "i have a dream something something something hills of georgia a bunch of kids playing together something something all colors blah blah racism is bad", and his words have always stayed dear to my heart. i'm not racist, but because i'm white a lot of people assume that i am, and also that i can't dance, and that i like country. all of things are wrong. wrong wrong wrong. i am a GREAT dancer, HATE country, and am NOT racist. but what's ironic is that i identify with about 98.9% of all the things on the stuffwhitepeoplelike.com website. it's weird. i swear i'm not a cliche.

anyway, the point is, i'm not racist, and in fact love diversity! diversity is great! contrast is great too. you can't figure out who you are until you figure out who you're not. or something. that's deep, right?

contrast also looks great in photographs.

see? classic contrast. also adorable. not at all racist.

kiiinnnnda freaky as hell, but it gets the point across.

oh man. look at this. this shit is cultural.

these kids are going to grow up to be individuals.

but see, a LACK of contrast can also look cool too! the world is just full of contradictions! (note: a lack of diversity doesn't work the same way)

and that is why i'm not racist. the end.

lynx:
cat in a box
hoodlums
shoez
albinobaby

i like wine (and my mom)

2009-06-19T21:46:00.007-05:00

so i'm sitting here and it's my mom's birthday and my aunt is showing my mom how to use her itouch and my dad and my uncle are watching the baseball game and all i can think is oh my god i love wine and my family.

i feel like this is a drunk posting, but i'm just a little tipsy so it's classy, right? it's just like free love. i've got the love and i'm gonna spread it around like butter on bread. whole wheat, slightly dysfunctional, greatly fun bread.

somehow wine ties into that. i had a lot of wine tonight. more fun facts about my family later. lord knows the pages i could write about them.

happy birthday moms. i lub you.

(that's my dad and me and my mom) (we've all aged a bit)
=

happy.

i like lolcats

2009-06-14T17:00:00.008-05:00

you know, in these difficult times, one of the only things that can comfort me when i see the hopes of millions sink with our titanic of an economy is the fact that we as a country can still laugh at a fat cat who likes cheeseburgers and isn't too great at spelling. no, not garfield. no one has laughed at garfield since 1992.

LOLCATS.

lolcats are great, because now i know that secretly everyone has imagined personalities for their cats and laughed at their adventures... not just me.

once you start thinking about it, it's actually kind of cool how lolcats have evolved. cats have always been a big part of pop culture, whether or not the public has been consciously aware of it. right off the top of my head i can think of three cartoon cats that i grew up with (sylvester the cat, tom of tom and jerry, and felix, and snagglepuss), and what's interesting is to note how different each of their personalities have been. felines are mysterious and i'm bored thinking about this paragraph now so let's just see a cat playing the keyboard:

LOL

i like city lights

2009-06-08T09:34:00.008-05:00

they always make me nostalgic for a place i've never been.

i like shaped food

2009-06-04T18:47:00.011-05:00

i have some problems with food:

1) it likes to lurk in womens' problem areas
2) it doesn't make itself
and
3) it's boring

number three particularly bugs me. how many times have you sat down to eat something, and then realized what you want is actually something completely different and/or more interesting-looking? no matter how hard you try, your tuna fish sandwich is never going to turn into a rabbit or an umbrella, and when you realize this, it's bad news bears. the finite state of food matter is a BIG problem, because i like to be intellectually, physically, and imaginatively stimulated at all times. luckily, there's a solution to the imagination part: shaped foods.

foods shaped like other things are great! just ask your mom.

this is your pretty basic food shape. everyone starts out with the heart because it's easy and because you automatically look like a sensitive soul, despite the fact that you made it with greasy hash browns in a waffle house on valentine's day. how sweet.

dinosaurs?! who DOESN'T like dinosaurs?! no one. no one dislikes dinosaurs, and that is why they are the next level up on food shape difficulty. everyone loves them, and if you have a sandwich, a knife, and know what a dinosaur looks like, you automatically have either five new friends or children that are willing to forgive you for being a bad mother. my mother never made me these.

see, this is the big leagues. if food was a video game, the person who made these would have scored nine extra lives, saved the princess, and shot the duck. also, these are great for vegetarians who can't eat pork, but have the craving to slaughter something with cloven hooves. (side note, does anyone know what a mung bean is?)

this is for you ethnic/cultured folks out there. y'all got a spot in this niche. don't y'all worry about a thang, chubblies.

but see, some people just don't know when to stop on the whole food-shaping business. things gets weird, people get awkward and uncomfortable, and eventually the police show up and you now have three kegs and a casserole to yourself.

take for example this picture:
this is a weird-ass picture. but i love it.

or this guy: yeah, that's bread. yeah, what the hell. talk about an overachiever. on the bright side, no one would ever say they didn't suspect it if he turns out to be a serial killer.

in conclusion, i still need intellectual stimulation. and i'm hungry.

lynx:
heart of hash (browns)
dino-wich (looking at it, this has to absolutely be my new favorite website. i could write an entire post about them.)
pigglies
bento babe
weird-ass picture

cereal killer

i like sunburns

2009-06-04T18:33:00.007-05:00

call me weird*, but one thing i really enjoy is a good sunburn. i'm not exactly sure why, but if we were to play psychologist, i'd say it all stems from my insecurities. i am a really pale person, and i guess this is seen as weird in texas, land of a thousand suns. some girl in my high school once came up to me and asked if i was from norway because i was so pale. i told her no and then i punched her in the face and dragged her down the hallways. "hallway-dragging carly," they called me. not really. but anyway, whenever summer rolls around, i'm always lagging behind the other bikini babes who automatically turn golden brown like, the second they encounter UV rays. it's not fair. so i'm usually the one sporting a perky shade of pink/lightish red, and in my efforts to catch up, i think my brain has somehow convinced itself that that horrible tingling/burning sensation feels good. and it does! it's the feeling of summer. painful, painful summer.

this is me

*don't. i'm sensitive.

edit: i got a sunburn on my ass, and i now take back everything i ever said about sunburns being fun.

i like fluffy dogs

2009-06-02T18:40:00.005-05:00

actually, to be specific, i like all dogs (ten points to anyone who finds the irony in that statement [which isn't even true; i do dislike some dogs (but not a lot)]), but i have a particular place in my heart for the huge ones that resemble polar bears. those are the kinds of dogs that when i was little i was convinced i could train to give me rides all over the place*, and eventually we'd leave home and travel across the world, needing only a peanut butter sandwich and a bone in a hobo-style knapsack to sustain us.

needless to say, i'm become used to my dreams not working out exactly the way i want them. for example: i never met that dog. still, i'm positive he's out there, and he's waiting for me to climb onto him and never look back. also, i think his name is bo.

*nerd moment: anyone who has seen miyazaki's princess mononoke will know exactly what i'm talking about. anyone who hasn't probably does too.

i like solitude

2009-05-28T22:11:00.004-05:00

i walk without flinching through the burning cathedral of the summer. my bank of wild grass is majestic and full of music. it is a fire that solitude presses against my lips.
-unknown

i like desserts

2009-05-26T13:14:00.009-05:00

ever since i was a little kid, i've always had a gigantic sweet tooth. at age like seven or something, i distinctly remember eating a sandwich composed of just bread and butter and sugar, and while i'm guessing i threw up later, i'm sure at the time it was the greatest moment of my life. i haven't really grown out of that mentality, and it sucks, because everyone else has, and it's no longer "cool" or "healthy" to want to eat a meal consisting of only icing and more icing. actually, candy isn't as enticing as it used to be, so i guess that's a good thing. maybe my tastes have matured a little bit. i doubt it.

this is amazing. look at all the varieties! actually, this happened to me once. i went to work and someone had brought like a hundred cupcakes all decorated differently and i ate them all. not really. maybe.

if i ever opened up a pastry shop, i would make these a staple.

this is a triple whammy: memories of childhood characters, coma-inducing sweetness, AND two desserts in one. A+.

there's not really alot you can say about this, except oh my god let me eat it now. also, perfect for your alternative sexual orientation parties. we all know you have them.

my mind just dissolves into a high fructose corn syrup-y mess when i see this. it is pure perfection. food coloring will change the world. not sure how, but it will.

you should always eat dessert first, because, as they say, "you should always eat dessert first."

lynx:
groovy cupcake
queer jello
cookie cupcake monster
wittle pastwies

edit: found these pictures

this is how i'm going to die.

i like colored animals

2009-05-19T19:49:00.009-05:00

i often think about what i were do if i were god. actually, that's a complete lie. i often think about what i would do if i could do things i normally can't do, being a human and not a deity. confused? here's an example. if for some reason i was given crazy powers that allowed me to turn anything into anything else, i would turn some things into different things.

you know what? forget that horrible segue. the point is, i like animals that are wacky colors. like, not normal animal colors. those crazy birds in the amazon with the weird mating colors that apparently the female birds go nuts for (yeah, those ones) are great, but what they're lacking is the element of surprise. everyone expects exotic birds to be exotic, and therefore they lose their appeal.

"oh yeah, it's one of those birds of paradise. old news. just ignore him, sharon. he's just trying to be original."

but sharon, things that people AREN'T expecting include animals that SHOULD be one normal color, but instead are something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND THEREFORE MUCH BETTER!

like this dog.

before the dye job, this was probably just another annoying poodle/lhasa apso thing mix. but now it's purple, and i want it and won't rest until i have it.

these aren't real birds (surprise), but imagine if they were. they'd get all the chicks! (hahahahaha, i am so great)

madonna dyed her sheep (or someone's sheep) for a photoshoot she did or something. it was probably the best thing she's done since she brought back being a respectable woman who accepts her age and isn't freakishly built. oh wait.

this is amazing and i don't even care if it's photoshopped.

the only bad thing about dyed animals (yeah i know, there's a downside. i'm shocked too) is that i'm pretty sure it's not healthy. it can't be. i mean, think about what dye does to the human hair. now imagine that on an animal. it's totally different and worse, kind of. maybe.

just, don't dye your animals, folks. let them dye themselves.

lynx:
madonna's silly sheep
crazy dyed cats (ridiculousness)

i like ren and stimpy

2009-05-19T18:16:00.009-05:00

call me childish, but there is no piece art i appreciate more than that of one of my beloved childhood television shows, ren and stimpy. undeniably, the humor takes some getting used to. at times the show is weird, nonsensical, questionable, and more often than not, just kinda gross. but this is what attracts me to the show the most. the creator, John Kricfalusi, has a beautiful mind and it shows. the controversial show was hestitantly aired on nickelodeon in 1988. a major issue with the show was that it was extremely violent. however, this did not stop Kricfalusi from creating a mind-melting eyebrow-squinching fuster cluck.

i guess i should get to what i like about this beautiful mess. one of the main characters is ren hoek, a rat? a cat? a rabbit? NOOOO! he's a chihuahua-probably the most annoying dog of them all. he's a violently psychotic little creature that likes to control things. ren's problem in life is that he eventually finds himself in the same place he was before, if not worse. it seems like trying is pretty useless to him. the resulting anger at the world is funny to me. this probably explains why shitty situations are kinda funny to me in the real world.

the next character of any significance is stimpson j. cat, or stimpy.
stimpy is not just a regular cat, but a cornish rex cat. these cats are known for their extremely short fur. the effect is that the cat just looks like a stupid animal. stimpy: "Ahem. Presenting the Cheese-A-Phone. Now we can communicate with various cheeses, regardless of their foreign tongue. Go ahead, Ren, say something in Limburger." this somewhat "eediotic" quote is what makes me appreciate the beautiful humor of plain stupidity. he's simple, childish, honest, and blissfully unaware.

ren and stimpy is funny in an existential kind of way. i didn't catch on to this when i was a young kid with my eyes glued to the tv, but one of my valued morals was taught to me by this show--just having fun being a kid. i've never wanted to grow up and i think i'm siding with The Who here when they say "i hope i die before i get old." the show is built around beautifully disgusting nonsense that appeals to my inner child.

this song is probably the most influential songs of my life:

Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats. This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy! That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me?!
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

screw everything. i will never grow up.

I like wigs

2009-05-18T16:19:00.008-05:00

Alright, I'll admit it.

I like wigs.

There I said it. Happy now?

Ok, I realize a little explanation may be in order.

This modest fascination with the cranial accessory may have begun at an early age, who knows, but it did not become entirely apparent until more recently, while watching/participating in an off-broadway show. The barrister style wig wearing DJ proceeded to spray the audience with a fire hose, and it was at that moment that I knew I liked wigs. Not necessarily wearing them myself (although I admit I have partaken on occasion) but maybe just the idea of them. It takes a certain something to stand up in front of a paying audience and show a blatant disregard for their personal moisture preferences, and I am inclined to believe that its the wig thats responsible for this.

and here is said barrister wig wearing DJ

Look at this jolly bunch sporting their barrister wigs

But wigs are not just for DJ's and old people. Animals too have benefited from them.

If this guy is happy, I'm happy.

I think its important to mention that I am not in favour of people who are actually bald wearing wigs. I feel that its cheating and should be stopped with extreme prejudice. You can't go around pretending all the time.

Face facts. Man up*. Case in point, this guy:

*Women don't actually go bald so this is not a sexist statement

i like pens

2009-05-16T13:56:00.009-05:00

so my mom's friend got back from italy a little bit ago and me and my mother had breakfast with him, and he was showing off his mont blanc wallet he got. i wasn't impressed. honestly, it's a wallet. wallets are only as good as the things you keep inside of them (namely, money) and unless it's gold-plated (see some previous posts) or like, renders the owner invisible at important moments, i generally don't really pay attention to them. however, my mom started saying something (like she does) along the lines of, "blah blah blah mont blanc is nice blah blah blah didn't they make really nice pens? blah blah blah..." and suddenly i started listening. see, i have this thing where i like pens. most people like pens, but the general majority take them for granted. up until recently i was part of that majority, but around the last couple of years ago i have noticed how much writing with a good (read: expensive, pretty) pen makes me happy. my mom works for ibm and so she gets these boxes of fancy corporate pens every once in a while, and i like to steal them and look at them and write with them.

but see, i don't actually know anything about pens, so basically my obsession (no... liking? interested observance? fondness?) for them has been limited to ogling the ones in the cases in places like office depot. but i've been doing some research on the internet, and apparently there are places where you can buy pens online. like, good pens. expensive pens. and boy, are they pretty.

you may think this looks like an average pen, but you're wrong and dumb. this is a beautiful pen. it probably cost more than the laptop you're using right now. (actually, i checked, and unless your laptop is like, scrap metal, it doesn't)

this one has three colors! THREE!

this is actually a mont blanc pen. i think i'm in love.

this pen, at a cost of $730,000, is apparently the most expensive pen in the world. i don't really like fountain pens though, probably because i don't know how to make them write.

oh my god this is a rolex pen. rolex makes pens. forget watches.

so that's probably enough about pens. i feel like i'm slowly alienating myself from the rest of the general public with this post.

oh, turns out he (my mom's friend) used to sell expensive pens. i could ask him, but then that would mean i'd have to admit to listening to him at one point or another. you'd understand if you met him.

lynx:
caran d'arche
tri-color beauty
mont blanc
ugly expensive one
goldilocks

I like encapsulation

2009-05-15T13:27:00.006-05:00

There is something intrinsically satisfying about putting one object inside another. Don't think about that too hard, just keep reading.

The concept of encapsulation is universal, transcending cultural boundaries and common sense. Maybe it was because I had some of these as a kid:

The fun never stops... almost.

Anyway, I don't know why I have this pathological drive to contain objects inside each other. Feels good man.
The concept works great for foodstuffs as well. Observe carefully:

Almost there...

Correctomundo!

Too far.

I don't even have to talk about pastries. Send me an anything-filled anything and I promise I will eat it*. If I ever get my hands on one of those jelly injection machines everything in a 10 ft. radius will become twice as edible and 100% more full of jelly.

I'm 19 and still eat at the kids' table every Thanksgiving because all my turkey finds its way into a hollowed out roll one way or another. Either that or because I think it's fun when the cousins start to burn things in the decorative candles.

This MILD obsession is the reason that I think Remember the Titans is a good movie. The film serves as a container for the football game, an event you would normally enjoy independently of cinema. We'll talk more about this later.

No words can describe the greatness below.

*or not.

i like balloons

2009-05-14T22:21:00.013-05:00

this is a tentative post, because i'm not sure if i actually like balloons. on one hand, balloons are marvelous little wonders that inspire thoughts of freedom and childlike glee, but on the other hand, they can explode in your face (rude), and they're little jerks to blow up sometimes. also, given to the wrong person, they can emit extremely irritating sounds. never fun.

maybe a good compromise is this statement: i like pictures of balloons. balloons are always pictured in a great way. they're very photogenic. i have never seen a bad picture of a balloon.

however, exceptions to that statement include hot air balloons. hot air balloons are an awkward shape. they're like the weird, kind of gawky kid you know who shows up to a party and then just ruins the atmosphere because he never says the right thing... but somehow everyone else in the world likes him. anyway.

i wish i had a balloon.

i like bananas

2009-05-12T17:23:00.008-05:00

No, forget liking bananas. I LOVE bananas. Phallic imagery aside, they are so good in my mouth. Bananas are literally the best fruit. LITERALLY the best. Everyone agrees. Everyone IMPORTANT (take that Nick).

Fun banana facts:

Bananas contain a BUNCH of potassium. Like, 450 mg of it. That's a lot. Don't believe me? How much potassium do YOU contain, mister?
Bananas usually grow in tropical climates, but they can grow in Iceland, in the soil heated by geysers. That's crazy! (actually, that doesn't sound right. check your facts)
Bananas once saved a kid's life in Honey, I Shrunk The Kid.
True story: I once made a website in my digital graphics class in high school all about bananas. It was great. It had all kinds of links and smart objects. It was like this post x 4.
The average Australian eats about 15 kg of bananas a year. That's stupid. Who measures weight in kilograms?
Bananas can cure depression... A little bit. They increase serotonin production (thanks b6 and tryptophan). I believe that, because I ate a banana, and I feel great now. Evidence: I'm capitalizing things.

Lies about bananas:

Bananas grow on trees. WOAH didn't think that was a lie, huh? Bananas are actually giant herbs. I'm pretty sure that's right. (edit: it is right. my roommate and i looked it up. bananas are tree imposters.)

Okay, that's enough about bananas. How about a picture:

This is for those of you that have never eaten anything besides peanut butter and jelly (my brother, circa 1996).

Bananas are the subject of one of my favorite pictures.

FACT: Bananas are the fanciest fruit.

I like bananas and you should too.

things lance likes.

2009-05-12T02:27:00.003-05:00

I LIKE GENOCIDE
AND
FIRE
AND
JIFFY POP
AND
WEARING LOTS OF CLOTHES WHEN ITS HOT OUTSIDE
AND
NOT WEARING CLOTHES WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

hahahaha. i stole this from lance. it's his draft. i'm glad he's so articulate. in fact, i like that he's articulate.

edit: forgot this.

disclaimer: i'm like 98.25% positive that lance doesn't actually like genocide.

I like 8-bit

2009-05-11T16:42:00.014-05:00

Carly was nice enough to invite some friends to write some guest posts. I like going first so put on your seat belts and prepare to be blown. Mindwise.

Today we're gonna talk about 8 bit.
Some background: A bit is short for Binary Digit. This is a number that can either be a zero or a one. With 1 bit you can represent 2 things. With n bits you can represent 2^n things. They can be anything you want. Computers use bits to represent stuff like voltages, colors, sounds, and memory locations (imagine labels on cubby holes). The more bits you have, the more things you can represent. In general, more bits means more information or higher fidelity.
What's so special about 8?
Back when your parents were cool, computers were expensive and didn't have as much memory (smaller value of n). Engineers had to squeeze information into 2^n pieces for relatively small values of n. Many of the first mass-produced home computers from the 1970s had instruction sizes of eight bits. For example, if you wanted to draw colors on your Atari with 8 bits to store the palette then you would only have 2^8 or 256 colors. 8-bit video games are characterized by low resolutions, restrictive color palettes, pixelated characters, and low-fi audio.

Impress your friends: 8 bits = 1 byte = 1 octet

You know this bad dude likes 8-bit.

Today "8-bit" is colloquial term that refers any type of media meant to look like the product of old school hardware. Hallmarks of the style include big pixels and gameboy-like sounds. One visual component of 8-bit art is called isometric pixel art and it looks like this:

Click for full size.

Mother lode available at Smashing Magazine.

Things really start to get interesting when 8-bit breaks into the 3rd dimension.

Where's Mario when you need him?

Also a fashion statement.

True story: all tattoos used to look like this.

8-bit renditions of contemporary songs are fantastic. I especially like the TI section.

Lynx:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickgray/2434200018/
http://media.photobucket.com/image/nes%20kid/InvisiblexSeas/Mullet-NES.jpg
http://hello.eboy.com/eboy/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/FTN_glbl500cover_11t.png
http://theleetgeeks.com/8-bit-tie-required/#more-252

i like germs

2009-05-11T13:49:00.003-05:00

insert swine flu joke here.

babies like pigs. i like babies who like pigs. that pig obviously likes babies who like pigs. everything is great about this picture.

... except for the whole licking a pig thing.

i like gaudy

2009-05-09T15:17:00.013-05:00

lately i've noticed that my taste in things has shifted away from the moderately-priced, well made, mature yet fun and fashionable side of the spectrum, and towards the Saudi heiress/Indian princess/rich, elderly divorcée with a hefty bank account and an unfufilling life/five-year-old dress up game.. side. that's kind of an obscure way to illustrate my thoughts, but what i'm trying to say is that pretty much if you dip anything in gold right now i'll buy it. like, anything.

for example:

these are disgusting, but for some reason i love them and want twenty pairs. i don't even care if j.lo would buy them too. she would. ugh, jennifer lopez. ugh.

and this. how gorgeous and absolutely ridiculous is this. you could never wear this anywhere and it's probably extremely expensive, but loooook how shiiiiny and beautiful it is. if i had this i would put a bunch of single dollar bills in it and use it as a centerpiece on my dining table. materialism, what?

you can only take pictures of beautiful people with this camera.

this isn't gold, per se, but it's still amazing. i actually had a dream about this necklace. no joke.

no longer are we living in the barbaric days of plastic and ugly metals. technology can be beautiful, if you are willing to sell your firstborn child for it.

now i feel dirty and materialistic. oh well.

lynx:
gold backback (ha)
pentax
stick of gold (there's also a gold mattress on that site, but that's just dumb)

i like trying

2009-05-08T12:35:00.002-05:00

sometimes it's good to be reminded.

i like dogs with stuff

2009-05-07T11:41:00.008-05:00

i'm pretty convinced nature took an evolutionary turn for the worse when humans started putting costumes on their domesticated pets. however, i will admit that's fun to look at... just, i wouldn't ever do it.

my roommate and i both burst out laughing when this picture came up. those poor little dogs. whatever their gender was before, they are now old maids, doomed to massage their aching bones and knit booties for their grandpuppies, who call them "babushka" and don't appreciate the five dollars sent to them on birthdays.

also, this is hilarious. that poor dog's face.

it should be a mandate that all boston terriers be required to wear blue disco wigs. think of how great the world would be.

lynx:
hot doggies
chihuahua on cheeseburgers

edit: found some more pictures

daschunds apparently have a proclivity towards the putting of stuff on their bodies.

i like friends

2009-05-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

someone once said, "friends are nice." and they were right. friends are extremely nice. friends come in all shapes and sizes, and it's good to have a few. friends make the world go round, or at least make it go around in a more exciting way.

i like old friends, who you can absolutely be yourself around and know that they won't judge you, because you are exactly what they are expecting.
i like new friends, who are exciting and fun books just waiting to be read and turned into classics.
i like the friends who you laugh with about nothing (or close to it) until your sides ache and the only thing keeping you going is the fact that the other is still laughing. these friends also don't mind when your mascara runs from the tears that are involuntarily coming out. sometimes they tell you when you look like a panda, sometimes not.
i like quiet friends and the beautiful silences that you share with each other. friends like these show you that friendship is a state of being, not necessarily an action all the time.
i like loud friends, who make big messes and go a little nuts, but still manage to convince you that that is perfectly acceptable and incredibly fun.
i like the friends that you can get mad at, and then completely forget about it and act like nothing happened. except you're not really acting, because nothing did happen that would change anything.
i like the friends that you can call up at three o' clock in the morning and they'll still listen to you drunkenly ramble about your feelings, despite the fact that all they want to do is sleep and you're not really helping that.
i like the friends that are close.
i like the friends that are far away.
i like the friends who you accidentally hurt, but forgive you for it.
i like friends who give you a hard time, but only because they know you're strong enough to take it.
i like the friends that become more than just friends.
i like friends who depend on you as much as you depend on them.
i like the friends that sometimes tell you exactly how stupid you're being.
i like the friends whose mere existence is a reminder that good things happen in the world.

like + like + like + like = love
i love my friends

that was pretty mushy. here's something to lighten it up.

dumb panda.

i like monster food

2009-05-05T23:44:00.000-05:00

oh my god, my childhood would have been ten times cooler if i had had these in my lunchbox:

actually, my childhood would have been ten times cooler if i had had this lunchbox!:

instead i got the school lunch everyday. THANKS MOM AND DAD.

i like new twists on old ideas

2009-05-05T23:10:00.000-05:00

it always blows my mind whenever someone revisits an old concept in a new, creative way. it blows it even harder when that new, creative way is a giant green chicken.

this is the kind of thing i wish i had used as a child. how amazing would it have been to sit on your giant green chicken as the other kids played with their overrated, overused horses. talk about fostering the imagination.

somewhat along those lines is a concept i've always been fond of: objects in fur. call it a step back to nature, call it the innate human instinct for animal exploitation, call it what you will; things in fur are just fun*

this kind of reminds me of meret oppenheim's object: luncheon in fur:

basically, everything can be traced back to a movement in art. thanks, surrealism. you're a pal.

lynx:
green chicken
the woolly chair

*exceptions: real fur, and this

i like beginning

2009-05-05T22:36:00.000-05:00

in my life i've looked at things, and i noticed i like some things more than others. these are the things i like. sometimes i know why i like them and other times i'm not quite sure why.