i like kids with animals

so, i'm subscribed to this indie radio station's podcast, and all the way from seattle they ship to me in the mail a file that dissolves in my mailbox and is directly uploaded onto my itunes (that's how a podcast works, right?). the files are indie songs that haven't hit the main airways yet, and probably never will, and they send me some good ones usually. their podcast where i first heard of passion pit and the band citay (sit-ay? sigh-tay?), both prime examples of the silly names little indie boys like to name their groups (other examples: starfucker? how absurd! natalie portman's shaved head? what a mouthful!). anyway, there's this band called dan le sac vs. scroobius pip, and they have this song called "thou shalt always kill". it's a pretty funny song, the kind said silly little indie boys like to quote to each other while combing their mustaches in front of their cleverly-stenciled mirrors, and one of the lyrics in the song is "thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 who plays with a child that is not their own is a pedophile. some people are just nice."

god, ANYWAY, the point of that ridiculous segue is that i identify with that statement. not because i am a male over the age of 35, but because i too like to play with children that are not my own. actually, not so much play with them.. more like just look at them. but see the thing is, i'm not a pedophile! i just think kids are really adorable, and i kind of want one. like, to own. even more adorable that genetically beautiful children are genetically beautiful children with animals! and here are some pictures to prove my point (real creepsters, go away):

okay, so, this probably isn't the best example to start off on, but i think it still counts, because someone probably thought this was adorable in like, the ancient tang dynasty.

this is better. i predict that that boy trips in about two seconds and cries little adorable tears, which the basset hound licks off his face.

this is so cute, and i don't even like chimpanzees. but you know what, if they're happy, who are we to tell them they can't be together?

whoever invented baby elephants, thank you. they make every situation/picture an exquisitely sweet moment in time that nobody can resist. if i saw a hobo with a baby elephant begging for money, i would give him everything i had, and then probably take the baby elephant, because i'm pretty sure that can't be too healthy a lifestyle for it.

was a three-headed dog in the harry potter books? actually, who cares.

that's me. no really, that's me. me and my penguin friend, pengy.

it's also funny when animals freak kids out. case in point:


however, the other way around is not funny, and just mean:

see? what a rude little child.

in conclusion, i am not a pedophile. come on, scroobius. let's go.